light switch

"Things turn out best

for those who make the best

of the way things turn out."

Jack Buck

It has been a long day. Not the best day but I know that tomorrow will be better. As usual I'm in bed listening to the soundtrack to Pride and Prejudice on my ipod trying to fall asleep. No luck yet. This has been happening lately. I stay up listening to this music just thinking. About EVERYTHING and I can not fall asleep until I come to some sort of resolve in my head about everything that is bothering me. Why can't I just turn a light switch to off for my brain so that I stop staying up half the night thinking. Okay so its really not that awful, but a good night's sleep would be nice!

"Don't compromise yourself. It's all you've got."

Janis Joplin

Its the last month of high school. Wow. More than anything, the end of this chapter of my life has made me think about all of the changes through high school. Friendships were broken, new relationships were formed, and new behavior appeared in many unexpected places.

For myself, high school has been a good experience, but I do think back and feel sad about several things. Many of my closest friends started drinking and partying. That choice really has broken many of my friendships that I thought were solid. Its sad to see someone I care about choose such things that are so harmful. It is almost as though they decided fun doesn't exist without being under the influence of something. Its sad because I believe the exact opposite.

With us all going to college, change is inevitable. I hope that people do not sacrifice their morals to fit in with certain people they meet. There are so many different groups to get involoved with, and there will be one for any interest you have. Try new things, but don't change yourself for others. Change yourself for improvement and for youself.

My job my us all: Try new things but don't compromise youself because of someone else.

Advice

It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.

Francois De La Rochefoucauld

This is so true. When my friends come to me with problems I can usually come up with a solution quickly. You see the problem without being involved. You see what they should do, but the other person has feelings involved which makes it much harder.

I love giving advice and most of the time I think I'm pretty good at it too. When it comes to taking advice though, I'm terrible. I see what they mean but I want to do it another way (which is usually the wrong way). Its a tough situation but next time you think to yourself "why did she do that and not listen to my advice" remember the quote above.

Jane Eyre

This is the book I am working on right now. I actually read half of the book back in November, but lost the book when I moved with my mother. After a trip to the library, I am now working on it again. Because it has been so long, I had to start from the beginning. Here is a kind of long summary of the book .

Jane Eyre is a coming-of-age novel, which recounts the first nineteen years of the character of Jane Eyre.

Jane Eyre is a young girl, orphaned as a baby; both her mother and father die together from a type of fever. Jane goes to live with her cruel Aunt Reed, who only takes her in as the result of a promise to her husband on his deathbed. Mrs. Reed does not treat Jane so very well, and her son often beats and verbally abuses her. Jane grows up for many years very unhappy-an overly mature, sad, sallow and un-childlike child. Finally it is too much for Mrs. Reed. Jane is sent to Lowood Institution, a charitable, cheap and strictly kept school for clergyman's daughters. Jane attends this school for over eight years; after a couple years, the standard of living at the school is improved. Jane makes the friends of Helen Burns, and Ms. Temple, a teacher, while she is there. These two individuals greatly affect Jane's personality and character, especially related to personal philosophy, religion, and treatment of others.

Jane spends the last few years at Lowood as a teacher. Miss Temple finally marries, and Jane places an advertisement for a position as a governess in the local paper. Soon she is contacted by a Mrs. Fairfax, about the position of governess in Millcote, -shire, for a young single girl. Jane gets leave from Lowood and journeys to Millcote to take the position. There she begins as governess for Adèle Varens, a young French girl, and ward of the master of Thornfield Hall, Mr. Rochester. Thornfield Hall is where Jane lives, now. Jane begins to spend much time with Rochester; they grow a great friendship and affection for each other. Jane begins to realize she is falling in love with Mr. Rochester. Simultaneous to this, it appears that Rochester is courting the hand of Blanche Ingram, in hopes of marrying her. This turns out to simply be a ploy by Rochester to make Jane jealous, and increase her love for him.

Jane goes home for her aunt's death for several weeks. She returns to Thornfield Hall, to find Mr. Rochester greatly missing her. During her time at the house, she has noticed the presence of a madwoman in the attic, presumably, Grace Poole. In the middle of the night, this woman tries to light Rochester's bed on fire. Jane wakes, smells the smoke, and saves him. This happens before she leaves for her aunt's funeral. When Jane returns, Rochester finally tells her of his love for her. They become engaged. The ceremony approaches, and as it comes closer and closer, Rochester becomes more and more arrogant. Jane declares she will still work once they are married-she will only be his equal. Their relationship becomes off-balance. On the day of the marriage ceremony, the rite is broken up by the entrance of Mr. Mason and Mr. Briggs. Here they reveal that Rochester has been previously married. The madwoman in his attic, is Bertha Mason, his first wife. The marriage doesn't go through; Jane sees Bertha, feels numb, sad, and realizes she cannot marry Rochester out of wedlock, for fear of inequality in their relationship.

Jane flees Thornfield, and arrives at Whitcross. She is destitute, begs and is near death almost for three days, until she comes upon a house, whose members take her in and care for her. She stays there for many days. She wakes and tells them most of her story. She develops a great friendship with Diana, Mary and St. John Rivers, who is a pastor, and are inhabitants of the house. Within good time, St. John finds Jane work as the teacher of a village-school for peasant girls in that town, Morton. Jane takes the job. Soon she finds through St. John that she has been left a fortune of twenty-thousand pounds by her uncle in Madeira, who had died. She also finds out that St. John, Mary and Diana are her cousins; her uncle is also their uncle with whom their father had once had a terrible quarrel. Thus they were left no inheritance. Jane immediately divides her fortune equally between the four of them, and vacates the school position.

Jane goes to live at Moor House with her cousins. They are happy for a while, and St. John begins to teach Jane Hindostanee. Jane finds him intelligent and greatly admires him, but nevertheless is inwardly wary of his cold power over her. Finally he asks her to marry him, for the "service of God" to become a missionary with him in India. Jane is torn, but knows she could never have a kind and warm, loving relationship with St. John that way as a husband. She tells him so, but he will not take her unless she is his wife. She refuses him. At this time, she hears a sudden spectre of Rochester's voice calling her from the near garden. She takes it as a sign, and the next day leaves from Whitcross in a coach to see what has happened to Rochester.

Jane arrives in Millcote after a day and a half. She finds out and sees that Thornfield Hall is a ruin; it burned down last fall from a fire Bertha Mason started. During the fire, Bertha killed herself from jumping from the battlements; Rochester was blinded and lost one of his arms from falling timber, when helping servants out of the house. He turned to depression and utter isolation after her disappearance. Now he lives with two servants, John and Mary, at Ferndean Manor, thirty miles away. Jane journeys there that night, sees Rochester and makes herself known to him. He almost does not believe it is her, but finally is convinced, and blesses the Lord for returning Jane to him. He is utterly happy, and so is she, and despite his blindness and being a cripple, she accepts his hand in marriage. They marry three days later. Jane brings Adèle to a closer school and makes frequent visits. Mary and Diana marry and see her on a regular basis. St. John goes off to India. Jane gives birth to one baby boy of Rochester's. The novel ends with Jane telling us that she has been married to Rochester for ten years; she is happier than she could ever be, because they love each other so much, they are each other's better half and never tire of each other. They are perfectly suited for each other, and Jane is happy spending her life loving and helping Rochester, being his prop.

Create Something

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life.

They seem half-asleep,

even when they're busy doing things

they think are important.

This is because they're chasing the wrong things.

The way you get meaning into your life is

to devote yourself to loving others,

devote yourself to your community around you,

and devote yourself

to creating something

that gives you purpose and meaning."

Morrie Schwartz

I stumbled across this quote yesterday. I think it gives a great message. So many people go through life "asleep", basically just going through the motions. I think its important to make something of your life and enjoy each day for all of the bad and good moments.

Personally, today I do not want to see the good in anything. Why? I have no idea. Everything seems to just be disappointing me. I think a change of attitude is what I need. But hey, at least graduation is in exactly a month. Thats something to be happy about!

Where are you Friday?

"The most important thing in life

is to learn how to give out love,

and to let it come in.”

Morrie Schwartz

Oh Friday I wish you were here. I'm sick of school and I am excited for my massage on Friday. But not really for prom Saturday... Oh well. I'm sure it will be fun (more fun than last year at least). Prom last year was a hot mess. I just hope there is no drama this year like there was at last year's.

Stay With Me

Stay With Me by Colbie Calliet is easily becoming one of my new favorite songs. Many would probably say its "mushy" but I really like it. I think its sweet and just a great song to listen to; nothing harsh about it and just real calm. Its the kind of feelings I want to have. Nothing rushed and very sweet and comforting. What else do you need.

It also brings up another topic. Finding a person to spend your life with. I can't imagine that in a few years my friends and I could potentially be engaged or married. It is all too crazy to think about. But I hope I find the right person without the mess that divorce can cause.


We simply fit together like a piece of apple pie,
I will be vanilla ice cream and I'll sing you lullabies,
I will love you in the moonlight and I'll love you in the day, always.

I love the time we spend, like a watch from an old friend,
I will help you keep your smile, promise me you'll stay a while,
I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can.

Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.

We always joke together after we're rolling on the floor.
I like the way you dance around when you're running for the door.
I will come to visit you even when we're old and gray, always.
I love the way you make me feel, when you're asleep I'll take the wheel,
Make sure to call when you get home, when you're driving on the road.

I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can, so..

Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.

I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,
I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,
Always,

So stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.