Bad decisions

What do you do when you know you made the wrong decision? What do you do when you have all your emotions bottled up?

Deal with the decision. Live your choice. Keep it to yourself if its going to cause trouble. End of story.

Lazy Summer Sounds

“Let us dream of tomorrow

where we can truly love from the soul,

and know love

as the ultimate truth

at the heart of all creation.”

Michael Jackson

Good ol' Michael.. On another note, here's a few songs just to relax and listen to leading up to the lazy days of summer.

• Everybody Wants to Rule the World-Tears for Fears
• Here Comes the Rain Again-Eurythmics
• Something Special-Colbie Calliet
• Bixby Canyon Bridge-Death Cab for Cutie
• Feeling Good-Michael Buble
• If I Could-Jack Johnson
• My Mirror Speaks-Death Cab for Cutie
• Glass of Water-Coldplay
• Breathe-Anna Nalick
• Just A Ride-Jem
• Swoon-Imogen Heap
• Can I Sing You to Sleep-Corey Crowder
• Into Dust-Mazzy Star
• Is this Love-Bob Marley
• Let That Be Enough-Switchfoot
• Champagne Supernova-Oasis

Michael Jackson

“In a world filled with hate,

we must still dare to hope.

In a world filled with anger,

we must still dare to comfort.

In a world filled with despair,

we must still dare to dream.

And in a world filled with distrust,

we must still dare to believe.”

Michael Jackson

I have a thing for Michael Jackson. I know, ever since he died everyone is obsessed, but my obsession started long before his tragic death.

Back in middle school, I remember my best friend at the time, Alaina, and I would always listen to a Jackson 5 cd. Soon after, we started becoming more and more obsessed with Michael. We made t-shirts while he was on trial that said "smooth but not a criminal". That summer of his trial, we were at the beach together with my family. The day the verdict of his trial was to be announced, we were out and about shopping and eating lunch. We realized at luncht aht we might not make it home in time for the verdict so we made everyone finish eating quick so that we could make it back to our beach house in time to hear the news. It was a funny day.

I have accumulated lots of Michael Jackson things over the years. Several t-shirts, pins, books, movies and all of his music. I have done reports on his life several times in school and always enjoy watching specials about him on tv. He was truly one of a kind.

John Mayer

“Sometimes I wish that I was the weather,

you'd bring me up in conversation forever.

And when it rained,

I'd be the talk of the day.”

John Mayer

With only twelve more days of school, its almost impossible not to think about the summer months aheaad. Making all sorts of plans for the nice weather. Along with many other things, I am going to a John Mayer concert with my mom. I actually enjoy John Mayer's music wuite a lot, despite all of the rumors about his personality and what not.

Some favorite John Mayer songs:

• Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
• 83
• Back to You
• Clarity
• Belief
• Bigger Than My Body
• Heartbreak Warfare

and pretty much any other song of his.

Dream, Imagine, Believe

Ten days of school left. I can't believe it.

I remember the first day of school thinking graduation would never come.

Well, its here.

I keep blogging about the end and whatever...

but I am nervous for the future.

Even more so, I am excited.

Excited for new friends,

new adventures,

new places.

Last Spring Concert

Tonight is our high school choir's spring concert. This is the last time I will perform with many friends I have been singing with since sixth grade. Wow, where does all the time go?

Yesterday when our smaller ensemble had our last practice, I got kind of emotional. I starting thinking about everything we have all gone through and realized that it is all coming to an end. As much as I have complained about choir, I will miss it. It has been such a huge part of my life for the past four years so tonight is the end of something special.

My job for myself: Savor the last few moments I have with this special group of people.

We're overrated anyway

doing everything by hours
got a real flare with excuses

meeting someone at the bar
where loose ends still have your sins

it's complicated
this time I think it could be
triangulated
it could be just what we need
so what you say we give it up and walk away
we're overrated anyway

we're kissing without kissing
got it down to a fine art
love's supposed to keep you young & frisky
we grew up and wide apart
not now not ever, no it's never a good time
how will the good times ever roll along
comparing photos that are no longer there
just wondering where it all went

it's complicated
this time I think it could be
triangulated
it could be just what we need
so what you say we give it up and walk away
nothing to salvage anyway

oh, oh, oh none of the above
oh, oh, oh none of the above
oh, oh, oh none of the above
oh, oh, oh

it's complicated
this time I think it could be
triangulated
it could be just what we need
so what you say we give it up and walk away
we're overrated anyway

it's complicated
this time I think it could be
triangulated
it could be just what we need
so what you say we give it up and walk away
nothing to salvage anyway


This is another Imogen Heap I love. It relates to me because I just ended a relationship and basically like the song says, there was no reason to stay together.
"So what you say we give it up and walk away; we're overrated anyway"
That basically sums up the entire relationship. The only reason we were together at the end was because we were going tp prom together. Am I sad about being single? Not even a little bit. I am more happy now than I have been in awhile! :)

My job for you: Regardless of your relationship status, just enjoy spending time with people you love.

Have you got it in you?

It takes a lot to be always on form,

It takes a lot

Or maybe not,

all the time, all I've got

Maybe not

Been one of those days,
Safety first don't push,
what's the hurry?
One nerve remaining,
waiting on one look,
Have you got it?

Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?



All at once,
not a whisper nor word,
Then all at once
(Let me have it all,
Let me have a battle on,
Easy target look can we just
just get it over with?)
It's getting worse,
against all the odds,
It's getting worse

Been one of those days,
Safety first don't push
what's the hurry?
Cause there's one nerve remaining,
waiting on one look,
have you got it?

Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?



Blue, blue, they make me blue
Head down, quick!
Take cover, be good in the move
Blue you, make me anymore blue?
Don't scream, shout
Caught in the light of your suit

Been one of those days,
Safety first don't push,
what's the hurry?
One nerve remaining,
waiting on one look, have you got it?

Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?





I've been listening to a lot of Imogen Heap during Keyboarding everyday and this is one of the songs I've been enjoying. Its called "Have You Got It In You?" Its great. I really like Imogen Heap. I can listen to almost any Imogen Heap song at anytime.

Other good Imogen Heap songs:
Loose Ends
Canvas
Daylight Robbery
Tidal

One kind word

Believe the picture.

Say something nice to someone who looks sad.

It will make them feel better.

Life

Prom

Last night was prom.

Was is the best night of my life? Hardly.

Was it fun? Yeah kind of.

It seems like I can never have an enjoyable prom.

The boyfriend and I broke up and it was rather awful.

It was mutual, but breaking up is not fun.

It makes me feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

Fun stuff, right?

Zack Foundation

"The best index to a person's character

is how a person treats people

who can't do them any good

or can't fight back."

Abigail Van Buren

The Zack Hinish Foundation.

This is something very dear to my heart.

Zack Hinish was five years old when he went to heaven. He was a blessing to all who ever spent any time with him. His big blue eyes and wonderful personality was something that could not be overlooked. From the beginning, Zack had some problems. Normal things, such as walking and talking that are learned at a young age, were not present in Zack. Doctors struggled to diagnose the problem throughout his life. After a few years, seizures appeared.

Seeing this situation made me realize that my aunt Tami and uncle Jeff are my heroes. They are the strongest people that I know. They spent countless hours and even months in hospitals with Zack. They devoted everything that they had to help make Zack's life the best that it could be. They have compassion and kindness that is hard to find in today's society. Many people in their situation would have given up. They fought to find a solution every minute of Zack's life.

Following his death, a foundation was set up by my aunt and uncle to honor Zack's life. Every year there will be a chosen project and funds will be raised to accomplish it. This year it is to make a more accesible playground at the school Zack attended. A yard sale is taking place next weekend to start raising money. After that a Zack Walk will take place, walking to raise money in his honor. The whole foundation is heart touching.

It is heartbreaking that he passed away at such a young age but I think it is wonderful what is being done to honor his life.

Pre Prom Prep

“When we seek to discover the best in others,

we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”

William Arthur Ward

Today may as well be called Prom pre-prep day. After school I have a massage and I'm going with one of my best friends to get a pedicure. I guess it's exciting. After that I'm heading up to Altoona to help my aunt and uncle prepare for the yard sale tomorrow for the Zack Hinish Foundation. I'm excited to see them and see how much was donated for the cause.

Heidi Montag

"The way I see it, if you want a rainbow

you have to put up with the rain."

Yesterday after school I spent my entire afternoon/night doing things in preparation for the prom.

First it was nail time. I got fake nails and they are kind of strange to have on. I have always had the awful habit of biting my nails, therefore I have never really had nails longer than my fingrtips. What a strange feelings.

After that was hair time. My mothersaid my hair was too dark and needed a highlight so I said whatever and went and got it done. I didn't really care either way. It took over two hours for the highlight and cut and I don't even like it. It looks so strange. The weirdest and most unnatural color ever. Hopefully a few washes will fade the color. Fortunately hair grows so I will not be stuck with this color forever.

Finally after that I was done. I got to come home. Yay!

I left at 3:30 and got home a little after 9. What a day.

It made me think about the growing obsession with outward appearance. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dressing up and looking nice, but I think that this craze is starting to get out of control. There is a fine line between what is normal and what is excessive. One person who crossed the line: Heidi Montag. I always see magazines with headlines announcing the thirteen surgeries she has had to look a certain way. It is sad that she feels ugly without the surgery. It makes me think that she has some major insecurity problems. Personally, I think that these proceedures are probably not helping with the problem and until she deals with the deeper issues, she will not be happy. I hope she can pull it together before its too late.

My job for us all: Stop obsessing over outward appearance. Try to spend less time primping, and more time enjoying life!

light switch

"Things turn out best

for those who make the best

of the way things turn out."

Jack Buck

It has been a long day. Not the best day but I know that tomorrow will be better. As usual I'm in bed listening to the soundtrack to Pride and Prejudice on my ipod trying to fall asleep. No luck yet. This has been happening lately. I stay up listening to this music just thinking. About EVERYTHING and I can not fall asleep until I come to some sort of resolve in my head about everything that is bothering me. Why can't I just turn a light switch to off for my brain so that I stop staying up half the night thinking. Okay so its really not that awful, but a good night's sleep would be nice!

"Don't compromise yourself. It's all you've got."

Janis Joplin

Its the last month of high school. Wow. More than anything, the end of this chapter of my life has made me think about all of the changes through high school. Friendships were broken, new relationships were formed, and new behavior appeared in many unexpected places.

For myself, high school has been a good experience, but I do think back and feel sad about several things. Many of my closest friends started drinking and partying. That choice really has broken many of my friendships that I thought were solid. Its sad to see someone I care about choose such things that are so harmful. It is almost as though they decided fun doesn't exist without being under the influence of something. Its sad because I believe the exact opposite.

With us all going to college, change is inevitable. I hope that people do not sacrifice their morals to fit in with certain people they meet. There are so many different groups to get involoved with, and there will be one for any interest you have. Try new things, but don't change yourself for others. Change yourself for improvement and for youself.

My job my us all: Try new things but don't compromise youself because of someone else.

Advice

It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.

Francois De La Rochefoucauld

This is so true. When my friends come to me with problems I can usually come up with a solution quickly. You see the problem without being involved. You see what they should do, but the other person has feelings involved which makes it much harder.

I love giving advice and most of the time I think I'm pretty good at it too. When it comes to taking advice though, I'm terrible. I see what they mean but I want to do it another way (which is usually the wrong way). Its a tough situation but next time you think to yourself "why did she do that and not listen to my advice" remember the quote above.

Jane Eyre

This is the book I am working on right now. I actually read half of the book back in November, but lost the book when I moved with my mother. After a trip to the library, I am now working on it again. Because it has been so long, I had to start from the beginning. Here is a kind of long summary of the book .

Jane Eyre is a coming-of-age novel, which recounts the first nineteen years of the character of Jane Eyre.

Jane Eyre is a young girl, orphaned as a baby; both her mother and father die together from a type of fever. Jane goes to live with her cruel Aunt Reed, who only takes her in as the result of a promise to her husband on his deathbed. Mrs. Reed does not treat Jane so very well, and her son often beats and verbally abuses her. Jane grows up for many years very unhappy-an overly mature, sad, sallow and un-childlike child. Finally it is too much for Mrs. Reed. Jane is sent to Lowood Institution, a charitable, cheap and strictly kept school for clergyman's daughters. Jane attends this school for over eight years; after a couple years, the standard of living at the school is improved. Jane makes the friends of Helen Burns, and Ms. Temple, a teacher, while she is there. These two individuals greatly affect Jane's personality and character, especially related to personal philosophy, religion, and treatment of others.

Jane spends the last few years at Lowood as a teacher. Miss Temple finally marries, and Jane places an advertisement for a position as a governess in the local paper. Soon she is contacted by a Mrs. Fairfax, about the position of governess in Millcote, -shire, for a young single girl. Jane gets leave from Lowood and journeys to Millcote to take the position. There she begins as governess for Adèle Varens, a young French girl, and ward of the master of Thornfield Hall, Mr. Rochester. Thornfield Hall is where Jane lives, now. Jane begins to spend much time with Rochester; they grow a great friendship and affection for each other. Jane begins to realize she is falling in love with Mr. Rochester. Simultaneous to this, it appears that Rochester is courting the hand of Blanche Ingram, in hopes of marrying her. This turns out to simply be a ploy by Rochester to make Jane jealous, and increase her love for him.

Jane goes home for her aunt's death for several weeks. She returns to Thornfield Hall, to find Mr. Rochester greatly missing her. During her time at the house, she has noticed the presence of a madwoman in the attic, presumably, Grace Poole. In the middle of the night, this woman tries to light Rochester's bed on fire. Jane wakes, smells the smoke, and saves him. This happens before she leaves for her aunt's funeral. When Jane returns, Rochester finally tells her of his love for her. They become engaged. The ceremony approaches, and as it comes closer and closer, Rochester becomes more and more arrogant. Jane declares she will still work once they are married-she will only be his equal. Their relationship becomes off-balance. On the day of the marriage ceremony, the rite is broken up by the entrance of Mr. Mason and Mr. Briggs. Here they reveal that Rochester has been previously married. The madwoman in his attic, is Bertha Mason, his first wife. The marriage doesn't go through; Jane sees Bertha, feels numb, sad, and realizes she cannot marry Rochester out of wedlock, for fear of inequality in their relationship.

Jane flees Thornfield, and arrives at Whitcross. She is destitute, begs and is near death almost for three days, until she comes upon a house, whose members take her in and care for her. She stays there for many days. She wakes and tells them most of her story. She develops a great friendship with Diana, Mary and St. John Rivers, who is a pastor, and are inhabitants of the house. Within good time, St. John finds Jane work as the teacher of a village-school for peasant girls in that town, Morton. Jane takes the job. Soon she finds through St. John that she has been left a fortune of twenty-thousand pounds by her uncle in Madeira, who had died. She also finds out that St. John, Mary and Diana are her cousins; her uncle is also their uncle with whom their father had once had a terrible quarrel. Thus they were left no inheritance. Jane immediately divides her fortune equally between the four of them, and vacates the school position.

Jane goes to live at Moor House with her cousins. They are happy for a while, and St. John begins to teach Jane Hindostanee. Jane finds him intelligent and greatly admires him, but nevertheless is inwardly wary of his cold power over her. Finally he asks her to marry him, for the "service of God" to become a missionary with him in India. Jane is torn, but knows she could never have a kind and warm, loving relationship with St. John that way as a husband. She tells him so, but he will not take her unless she is his wife. She refuses him. At this time, she hears a sudden spectre of Rochester's voice calling her from the near garden. She takes it as a sign, and the next day leaves from Whitcross in a coach to see what has happened to Rochester.

Jane arrives in Millcote after a day and a half. She finds out and sees that Thornfield Hall is a ruin; it burned down last fall from a fire Bertha Mason started. During the fire, Bertha killed herself from jumping from the battlements; Rochester was blinded and lost one of his arms from falling timber, when helping servants out of the house. He turned to depression and utter isolation after her disappearance. Now he lives with two servants, John and Mary, at Ferndean Manor, thirty miles away. Jane journeys there that night, sees Rochester and makes herself known to him. He almost does not believe it is her, but finally is convinced, and blesses the Lord for returning Jane to him. He is utterly happy, and so is she, and despite his blindness and being a cripple, she accepts his hand in marriage. They marry three days later. Jane brings Adèle to a closer school and makes frequent visits. Mary and Diana marry and see her on a regular basis. St. John goes off to India. Jane gives birth to one baby boy of Rochester's. The novel ends with Jane telling us that she has been married to Rochester for ten years; she is happier than she could ever be, because they love each other so much, they are each other's better half and never tire of each other. They are perfectly suited for each other, and Jane is happy spending her life loving and helping Rochester, being his prop.

Create Something

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life.

They seem half-asleep,

even when they're busy doing things

they think are important.

This is because they're chasing the wrong things.

The way you get meaning into your life is

to devote yourself to loving others,

devote yourself to your community around you,

and devote yourself

to creating something

that gives you purpose and meaning."

Morrie Schwartz

I stumbled across this quote yesterday. I think it gives a great message. So many people go through life "asleep", basically just going through the motions. I think its important to make something of your life and enjoy each day for all of the bad and good moments.

Personally, today I do not want to see the good in anything. Why? I have no idea. Everything seems to just be disappointing me. I think a change of attitude is what I need. But hey, at least graduation is in exactly a month. Thats something to be happy about!

Where are you Friday?

"The most important thing in life

is to learn how to give out love,

and to let it come in.”

Morrie Schwartz

Oh Friday I wish you were here. I'm sick of school and I am excited for my massage on Friday. But not really for prom Saturday... Oh well. I'm sure it will be fun (more fun than last year at least). Prom last year was a hot mess. I just hope there is no drama this year like there was at last year's.

Stay With Me

Stay With Me by Colbie Calliet is easily becoming one of my new favorite songs. Many would probably say its "mushy" but I really like it. I think its sweet and just a great song to listen to; nothing harsh about it and just real calm. Its the kind of feelings I want to have. Nothing rushed and very sweet and comforting. What else do you need.

It also brings up another topic. Finding a person to spend your life with. I can't imagine that in a few years my friends and I could potentially be engaged or married. It is all too crazy to think about. But I hope I find the right person without the mess that divorce can cause.


We simply fit together like a piece of apple pie,
I will be vanilla ice cream and I'll sing you lullabies,
I will love you in the moonlight and I'll love you in the day, always.

I love the time we spend, like a watch from an old friend,
I will help you keep your smile, promise me you'll stay a while,
I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can.

Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.

We always joke together after we're rolling on the floor.
I like the way you dance around when you're running for the door.
I will come to visit you even when we're old and gray, always.
I love the way you make me feel, when you're asleep I'll take the wheel,
Make sure to call when you get home, when you're driving on the road.

I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can, so..

Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.

I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,
I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,
Always,

So stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,
Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,
and take our time.

AP Biology

Three hours of AP Biology testing. I am mentally exhausted. Now I have to go through the rest of the day with zero energy. Yay

Its Friday

Fifth period on a Friday.
The school day is almost over, what a relief.
Today has been alright but nothing special.
BUT! I am excited to go shopping with friends tonight.
I haven't been shopping in forver so I'm pretty excited because I want a new dress.
But more than the dress, I just want to go out and have some fun with friends.
Yay! :)

All about me

In Keyboarding class this week, we have been working on creating a slide show all about ourselves. It was actually kind of hard for myself to decide what to include. I felt self-centered going on about myself for fifteen slides. It just seems wrong. But, I did finish it last night and I think it's pretty decent.

vow to myself

This is my vow to myself. Never let myself be controlled by someone else. I can not stand those girls who date a guy and let the guy treat her like crap. And because the girl lets him do this, why would he change out of no where? He won't.

To all of those girls who are scared that their boyfriend will break up with them if they voice their opinion, I say, you deserve someone better. Grow a backbone. Stick up for yourself.

Dedication

"Keep your dreams alive.

Understand to achieve anything

requires faith and belief in yourself,

vision, hard work, determination, and dedication.

Remember all things are possible for those who believe."

Gail Devers

Things have changed a lot in a few days. I am going to Penn State. :)

I'm actually really excited.

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